Sunday, June 20, 2010

Father's Day thoughts...

Father's Day is traditionally a day to make known to our Dad's how much we love them and appreciate them. I find myself melancholy today because I don't get that opportunity. I keep thinking of the things I miss about my dad. The things I don't want to forget. The things I wish I would have said to him, or done with him. The fact that him being gone is unbearable and so unfair. The way I feel cheated not to have my dad with me today and to not be able to pick up the phone and call him. The list of things I miss keeps rolling through my mind. Here are some of the big ones:

1. His voice. The sound of his voice, simple as that may seem. My mom's answering machine still has that voice, and sometimes I call just to hear it. Sometimes I try to hang up before I hear it. He had such a deep, warm voice. I loved to hear him sing. George Strait. Johnny Cash. Gospel music. I miss the way he would ask me, "how's my gal?" and the way he would whisper to me how proud he was of me every time we parted. I miss hearing him laugh and talk and read to my kids. I miss the noise he'd make when he kissed them and hugged them.

2. His presence in a room. He filled up a room, not just because of his size, but because of his aura and who he was. He could be quietly sitting in his chair, but you knew he was there.

3. His eyes. They were so warm. They literally had a twinkle at times...

4. His smile. Hands down, my favorite feature. That crooked smile when he was amused.

5. His laugh and sense of humor. Sometimes his wittiness went right over my head, and I would only laugh at it days later. The biggest compliment to me is when Jon tells me, "you are witty like your dad." I hope so.

6. His love of animals. This ran so deep in my dad. From his horses to his dogs, he knew his animals and loved them and took such great care of them.

7. His love of my mother. I can't say much more without choking up, but my goodness, that man loved his wife. He went to hell and back for that woman. And we all know that she is worth it.

8. His love of his grandkids. They were a beacon of light in his life, especially when he got sick. He knew each one of them.

9. His honesty. He was the most honest person I have ever known. He never lied. Ever. And, he detested lying in others. He lived a life true to who he was.

10. The thing I miss the absolute most about my dad are his big, bear hugs. He gave a little piece of his heart in each one of them. I would give anything for one of those on this Father's Day.
Here are some pictures I love. Do you see what I mean by that smile? So great.
Eskimo kisses. Oh, and I forgot to mention how much I miss that silver hair, that tanned complexion, and those huge hands with the one crooked, pointy finger.
I miss you, Dad. Today and every day.

9 comments:

Nicholle said...

Beautiful Post!

Kristen said...

Beautiful. I just left you a msg on your phone before even reading this. I have been thinking alot about you today. Good thing so much of your dad lives on in you. Everything you mentioned about him, I see in you too. hugs to you me sweet friend.

j and k said...

Kristen is SO right...so many things about him live on in you...from your wit, honesty, and presence, to your half smile...and it also lives on in your children (especially that half smile in Max). I'm sorry that your heart hurts so much today. I know you will miss him and that won't ever end, but I also know the things that you miss the most about him endear him to you all the more and will be the very things that teach you in your life and your children about being good human beings like him. I love you! I am thinking of you today!

Brittany said...

what a great tribute to your dad. i know, that even now, he knows how much you love him.

BIG Brother said...

very well put sis, thank you for that...

Betsy said...

I thought of you yesterday Jen! I'm sure it was a bittersweet day for you. What beautiful words about your father!

Gel said...

What a beautiful tribute to your great dad. I wish I could have meet him but I agree with Kristen he sounds just like you!

bontovi said...

such a beautiful post Jen! what a lucky girl you are to have such an awesome dad! and you still have an eternity to be his daughter! lots of alohas...b

Fancy Nancy said...

So sweet Jen, hope you are doing alright. We need to get together and catch up.