New memories....

I flew home to Utah to surprise my mom for her 60th birthday in October of 2009. Just Ian and I went. It was a real treat planning the trip with my dad, and surprising the heck out of my mom. This is the last picture that I have of my dad and Ian. When we went home last Spring, he was too sick to hold him, and when I flew out by myself to be with him when he got sick and put into the hospital, he told me that he couldn't wait for our May visit so that he could be home and better to hold him again. He loved Ian. He called him "Moose" because of his size at birth. He is my dad's last grandchild. And, my dad really loved ALL of his grandkids so much.

The point of all of this, is that when I look at this picture it represents the last memory I have of my dad and Ian. It breaks my heart. I have this deep fear that my children, most especially Ian, won't remember my dad, their Papa. And, that is so unfair. Because he deserves to be remembered by all of them who he cherished so much.

But, this week, a wonderful thing happened. I have a photo album on a table in my living room with photos of Papa. Papa with the kids. Papa with his horses. Papa with my mom. Papa decorating Christmas cookies. A good friend who also lost her dad gave the album to me when he passed away and it's been a great blessing. We look at it all of the time. The other day, Ian went and grabbed the book and brought it to me. He patted me on the leg and when I looked down at him he pointed to a picture in the book and said, "Papa." Crystal clear. And I just sat down right on the kitchen floor and he sat in my lap and we looked at every, single picture of Papa while he pointed and said "Papa" to each one. I could not hear him say that word enough. It felt like we were making new memories, through the photos, and it gave me a glimmer of hope that my children would remember and love and honor their grandpa until they get to see him again and spend eternity with him. He is living on in our memories and we will never let those die.